Sunday, December 31, 2006

What if People had to Pass a Urine Test to get a Public Assistance Check?

The News Review Public Forum submitted by: Leonard Wilson

I have a question, not only for Douglas County, but for the entire state of Oregon. Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me, I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit. In order for me to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to go earn it for them?

Please understand, I have nothing against helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their butt. Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Leonard Wilson
The News Review
Riddle

Santa Catches Big Air

Dear Kids,

Catching Big-Air in Ft. Walton Beach Florida with my bro Gerard Harris.

I am heading to Japan to rip some waves and eat fresh Sushi! I am looking for the Japanese surfers which made fun of my friend on his Surf-o-Tech!

Keep in touch,

Love Santa

Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Fate of All Mankind!

It is appointed unto us, once to die and then...

Friday, December 29, 2006

Saddam Whispers Last Words!

Exclusive First and Last!

When asked his last thoughts, Saddam said "SOD 'UM WHO"S SANE!."

You heard it first here!

The execution order has been delivered!

NO ONE'S DEATH or DEMISE SHOULD BE CELEBRATED!

Laughing and Driving II

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Katie observed you Laughing and Driving!

Note: I am definitely guilty of this one!

Santa Gets Tubed: Just another Indo Boat Trip!

Dear Kids,

Life is good! I found a secret spot using Google Earth's satellite images! Maybe you can find secret breaks too.

Get your own tubes...

Love Santa

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Driving Tandem and Driving

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? I caught you driving tandem!

Alright there may have been some artistic liberty applied to a photo I found on http://www.flickr.com, but I saw it... http://flickr.com/photos/crunchytoast/336314129/

Note: They should have been driving tandem.

Surfing Santa is Losing Clothes but not Heats

Dear Kids,

I am recovering from Christmas in the Metawai Islands (Indo).

I am undressing for popularity! Look what it has done for Brittney Spears. My ratings should sky rocket.

Note: Just turning up the heat!

Unless the real meaning of Christmas is returned...I am outta here!

Love Santa

PS: Don't click here as this is not me posing!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Samurai Too

Unfortunately, John Choi no longer manages my favorite restaurant, so time will tell whether it remains my favorite!

We miss John and wish he and his family all the best in their future endeavors... (February 4th, 2007)

Samurai
(on Gibson) is the absolute Best in Teppan Grill and Sushi!

Now that Christmas is over, I am craving Sushi bad... I decided to share a secret with you. Samurai is awesome!

John Choi "WAS" the manager (Super Cool)
Bol is the best Teppan Grill Chef in the world (Ask f0r him)
Sang and Day are the world's best Sushi Chefs
Nathan is the worlds best server

Tomorrow and many days to come I will be eating sushi!

Samurai
5701 Gibson SE
Albuquerque, NM 87108

(505) 260-0011

Monday, December 25, 2006

Gone Surfing!

I am outta here!

Merry Christmas: Santa Delivers the Goods

Dear Naughty Ones,

You are lucky I am human and I have physical needs.
Mrs. Claus made my bed on the couch unless I delivered the goods as planned.

Note: YOU ARE WELCOME!

Recommendation: Forgive others and be charitable or I will be forced to open up a can of whoop buns on you!

Remember: Thats my wave baby! Don't cut me off...

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Santa is Skateboarding on December 24th?

Dear Kids,

No! I have not changed my mind you stubborn, nasty, naughty boys and girls! You have missed the real reason for the season. Go ahead and pretend like I am joking, as I grind the top of this half-pipe, like you will grind your teeth tomorrow morning with an empty room missing your Christmas presents. Ha Ha Ha and a Ho Ho Ho! Know that I am enjoying all the wonderful gift ideas myself.

Note: I will be using my Slew of flying Reindeer to tow me into Mavericks tomorrow morning!

Having too much fun!

Love Santa

Air Guitar and Driving

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? I caught you jammin on an air guitar.

Note:
This guy was so into his air jam he forgot he was driving. The windows were up as it was 31 degrees outside so I didn't catch the tune.

Somedays you wish you were a fly on the wall to observe interesting human behaviour.

Recommendation: Unplug the air guitar and drive.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Surfing Santa Heads to Colorado

Dear Kids,

Whooo Hoooo! A major snow storm slams Colorado!
I grabbed little Johnny's requested K2 FatBoy and headed in the opposite direction of most travellers.

Question: Why the heck did I rip off my sleeves and cut the legs off my shorts?

Oh well, I wish you naughty boys and girls could experience the thrill of the fresh powder and steep hill, but without your gifts this year you better get a J.O.B!

Ho Ho Ho and HA HA HA,

Love Airborne Santa

Friday, December 22, 2006

Santa is Losing His North Pole Clothing

Dear Kids,

Enjoying my vacation here in Costa Rica... Thanks again for being especially naughty! Cancelling Christmas is absolutely awesome, I should have done it years ago. However, let it be known that the past was no better than the present.

By-the-way, I had to cut my sleeves off as "It's Getting Hot in Here," is blasting on my new IPOD! Thanks for asking for this as I had no idea how cool it was. check out the IPOD H2O Audio, but pay for it yourself bad dudes and dudettes. Ho Ho Ho!

Back to business,

Love Santa

Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Shopping Cart Vigilante Strikes Again

There is a new Super Hero in town who is taking the law into his own hands. A man shopper's call the Shopping Cart Vigilante. Operating in secret and on his own dollar, the Parking Lot Watchman keeps an eye out for lazy shoppers.

The vigilante watches customers and their shopping cart habits. If a customer doesn't return their cart, the masked crusader dashes to the rescue by physically lifting the shopping cart high up into the air and placing it directly on top of the offending customers car. Yelling, the super hero says..."Which exerts more inertia? Walking twenty steps to return your cart or lifting a heavy cart off the top of your car? The super hero turns with his cape flapping in the wind and disappears into the masses of the parking lot.

When asked, "Why are you doing this?" The masked super hero exclaimed, "It is not transfat which makes America heavy, it is pure laziness and a lack of concern for your fellow human being." As he disappeared, I heard him singing, "I'm making a list, i'm checking it twice, i'm going to find out if your naughty or nice... Ha Ha Ha Ha, the Shopping Cart Vigilante is coming to town."

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Shark Attack

Dear Kids,

Unfortunately, I lost a good chum today while surfing Morro Bay, California.

The victim was an elf named Rubik. Rubik was viciously attacked and killed by a giant grey today. Fortunately, no one really requested his Rubrik's Cube this year.

Having fun,

Love Santa




Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Surfing Santa Turns Up The Heat

Surfing Santa turns up the heat by sporting his new Rip Curl Spring in the Dead of Winter!

Note: Santa's white legs haven't seen the sun for hundreds of years. Lets hope he used sun block or his spring suit will look like a full suit sooner than later.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Santa Wins Triple Crown Surfing Event

Dear Kids,

My first walk on event (with special invite: I am Santa), in epic wave conditions, resulted in my first prestigious win.

Note: Fear the old, fat dude in his red wetsuit! Santa is delivering the goods in a new way now...

Too much fun!

Love Santa



Monday, December 11, 2006

Not Everything Green is a Vegetable!

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Eating a Booger and Driving is not only disgusting, it is major driver distraction!

Not everything Green is a Vegetable! This lady had a bumper sticker on her car that read MEAT is MURDER.

Note: As I passed this ladies vehicle, I observed her pick her nose and eat it... The booger was large enough to see the color and the texture!

Question: Is a booger a meat or vegetable? Neither! Girl! Go to the store and get some meat! Absolutely Disgusting! How many calories are in a booger anyway?

Santa: No Forwarding Address!

Dear Kids,

I am leaving the North Pole, never to return! Please google, Transworld Surf, Surfer, or Surfing magazine and send all further correspondance to their editors addressed "In Care of Surfing Santa!"

You might see me shreding your local break!

By-the-way, NO! I am not Jack O'neill... but, I am open to O'neill Wetsuits creating a surfing santa "North Pole" winter suit!

Love Santa

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Santa's Shred: Save Some Waves for us Santa!

Dear Kids,

All the toys you requested this year, which the Elfs promptly prepared for you, will be sold on E-Bay to pay for my World Surfing Tour! Bid away you bad boys and girls! May the highest bidder win...

Thanks,

Love Santa

PS. I hope that this continues for at least "SL8R" years!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Santa May Not Come This Year: Surfs Up!

Dear Kids,

No one made my list this year! Better luck next year!

For me and mine have gone SURFING!

Love Santa and his Shred...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Daily Stress and Driving

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Thinking about the days stress?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Tiger Woods: Major Driver Distraction!

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Freaking Out if Tiger Woods is on the course!

Note:
Although this one is a little off thread, it made me laugh.

Hint: Esso and/or Chevron should replace the old Tiger with the new. Put Tiger Woods in the tank and Drive Perfection!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Cat Scratch Fever and Driving

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Challenge: Try to Beat, a flying, scratching, biting cat off of you while driving is very dangerous.

The Song playing on the Radio is by Ted Nugent, "Cat Scratch Fever."

This one had me laughing all the way to work. The loose cat went ballistic in the car for some unknown reason. It freaked out! The driver pulled over to the side of the road and quickly exited the car until the cat chilled.

Note:
Use a pet carrier case to avoid cat scratch fever and driving!

Friday, December 01, 2006

Singing and Driving

What Were You Doing When You Should Have Been Driving? Singing and Driving!

Note: All I heard was something about,"Don't eat the yellow snow, where the Huskies tend to go."